er anything like it--and now never shall. Yet it
was not an extravagant ambition, methinks, however primitive.

As we sat in the garden dusk, the scent of our pipes mingling with that
of roses, N--- said to me in a laughing tone: "Come now, tell me how you
felt when you first heard of your legacy?" And I could not tell him; I
had nothing to say; no vivid recollection of the moment would come back
to me. I am afraid N--- thought he had been indiscreet, for he passed
quickly to another subject. Thinking it over now, I see, of course, that
it would be impossible to put into words the feeling of that supreme
moment of life. It was not joy that possessed me; I did not exult; I did
not lose control of myself in any way. But I remember drawing one or two
deep sighs, as if all at once relieved of some distressing burden or
constraint. Only some hours after did I begin to feel any kind of
agitation. That night I did not close my eyes; the night after I slept
longer and more soundly than I remember to have done for a score of
years. Once or twice in the first week I had a hysterical feeling; I
scarce kept myself from shedding tears. And the strange thing is that it
seems to have happened so long ago; I seem to have been a free man for
many a twelvemonth, instead of only for two. Indeed, that is what I have
often thought about forms of true happiness; the brief are quite as
satisfying as those that last long. I wanted, before my death, to enjoy
liberty from care, and repose in a place I love. That was granted me;
and, had I known it only for one whole year, the sum of my enjoyment
would have been no whit less than if I live to savour it for a decade.



XXIV.


The honest fellow who comes to dig in my garden is puzzled to account for
my peculiarities; I often catch a look of wondering speculation in his
eye when it turns upon me. It is all because I will not let him lay out
flower-beds in the usual way, and make the bit of ground in front of the
house really neat and ornament